How to get your family
to share their memories.
Families share memories when it is easy and specific. Ask one small question at a time instead of “tell me about your life”, let people answer from their phone in their own words or voice, show them what others have added, and welcome different versions of the same story.
If you are starting with your own memories, begin with our guide to preserving family memories. This one is about getting everyone else to join in.
Nobody can answer “tell me everything”. Everybody can answer “what was Sunday dinner like?”
Why do most families never get round to it?
It is rarely because nobody cares. It is usually the way the asking happens.
The question is too big. “Tell me about your childhood” asks someone to sum up decades on the spot. Most people freeze, or say there is nothing interesting to tell.
There is nowhere for it to go. A story told at a birthday is gone by Monday, and one posted in the group chat sinks under the next hundred messages.
People think their memories are too ordinary. They assume only big events count. Emory University psychologist Robyn Fivush, who studies family stories, says it is “the really mundane, everyday stories” that reassure teenagers that life is stable.
It all falls on one person. One relative ends up chasing everyone, and when life gets busy, it stops.
It is worth pushing past all four. In a study Fivush ran with fellow psychologist Marshall Duke, children in families that talked about hard times openly and coherently coped better over two years, with better self-esteem and less anxiety.
What should you ask first?
One small, specific question. The Oral History Society, which supports people recording memories, advises open questions, ones “which require more than a yes or no answer”. Specific beats general, because it gives people somewhere to start.
Small questions add up. Emory psychologists built a 20-question “Do You Know” scale from questions like these, such as whether a child knows how their parents met. Teenagers who knew more of the answers showed higher emotional well-being, though the researchers said more research was needed. Five to start with:
What did a normal Saturday look like when you were ten?
An ordinary day is easier to describe than a special one, and full of detail.
Who taught you to cook, and what did you make first?
Food questions work at any age and lead straight to people and places.
Which story do we always tell about you that isn’t quite right?
It invites a correction, and you get their version in their own words.
What was happening in this photo?
Send it with an old picture. Something to look at is easier than searching your memory cold.
How did you and Grandma meet?
Knowing how your parents met is one of the items on Emory’s “Do You Know” scale. Ask the people who were there.
For more, our questions to ask your grandparents are grouped by theme, so you can send a different one each week.
How do you make it easy to answer from a phone?
Ask where people already are. Ofcom’s Online Nation 2025 report found that 90% of UK online adults used WhatsApp in May 2025, and among smartphone users aged 55 and over it was the most-used app of all, at 93%. For most families, the phone in their pocket is where a question gets answered.
Send one question, not a list.
A list feels like homework. One question can be answered while the kettle boils.
Let them talk instead of type.
Typing a long answer on a phone is slow. A voice note takes a minute and keeps the way they tell it.
Attach a photo.
Send an old picture with “What was happening here?” It gives them something to react to.
Say where it will be kept.
Tell them who will see it and where it will live, so nobody has to wonder.
The group chat is a fine place to ask but a poor place to keep the answers. Our comparison of Ancestorii and WhatsApp explains why.
What if people remember it differently?
They will, and that is a good sign. Two people at the same Christmas often remember different things. Our founder grew up with this: in his letter about why he built Ancestorii, he remembers how someone would say “no, that is not what happened at all” and then tell a version that was “completely different but somehow just as true”.
Ask “What do you remember?”, not “Is that right?”
Keep both versions side by side instead of merging them into one.
Note who told each version, and when.
If the person the story is about is still here, let them have the last word.
The photo below is from our founder’s family album, and its caption is one of those stories.
How do you keep people sharing?
People keep sharing when they can see that it mattered.
Reply to every answer. A heart, a line back or a voice note tells them it landed. Silence is what makes people stop.
Share it back. Read a story aloud at the next get-together, or send it to the cousin it mentions.
Make it a ritual. One question every Sunday, or a new one on each birthday. A 2002 review of 50 years of research, covering 32 publications, found family routines and rituals were related to parenting competence, children’s adjustment and marital satisfaction.
Bring the children in. Give a grandchild one question to ask their grandparent. It turns the asking into something they do together.
Share the load. Ask a sibling or cousin to look after one side of the family.
How do you include relatives who don’t like screens?
Not everyone is online. Ofcom found that 13% of people aged 65 and over have no internet at home, and 20% of those aged 75 and over. Their stories matter just as much, so take the question to them.
Call and ask one question. Record it with their permission, or write it up straight afterwards while it is fresh.
Visit with a box of photos and ask what was happening in each one.
Post a letter with one question and a stamped addressed envelope.
Ask a grandchild to type up the answer or upload the recording for them.
The Oral History Society suggests a chat before you start recording, and reminds anyone who records an interview that the audio file needs to be stored and backed up. Our guide to interviewing your grandparents covers recording in more detail.
How Ancestorii is built for this.
Ancestorii is built around these habits. Owners and Admins can invite the family with one reusable share link, made for the WhatsApp group, or a personal email invite that expires after 7 days, with no limit on how many relatives join. See how inviting your family works.
In the free iPhone and Android app, you can send anyone one of 46 ready-made questions in 10 chapters, such as “Picture Sunday dinner when you were growing up. What was it like?”, or write your own. Sending a question can invite the person into your family at the same time. They answer in the app, and you get an email when they do. Read more about sending a question.
Each answer becomes a memory in your family’s private feed, which only the people you invite can see. Family can heart it and reply in writing or with a voice note, and anyone who remembers the moment differently can add their own memory of it: both versions sit on one page as tabs, marked “2 perspectives”. Memories with a photo, a voice note or a sentence or two of text also count towards family rewards in the app, including a Verified Family badge at 5 memories and 10% off a print at 10. Premium, if you need more space, is £3.99 a month for the whole family, not per person.
Frequently asked questions.
How do I get my family to share old photos?
How do I get older relatives to share their stories?
What’s the best way to collect memories from relatives who live far away?
What if family members remember things differently?
Is a WhatsApp group a good place to keep family memories?
Sources
- Ofcom · Online Nation Report 2025 (10 December 2025)
- Oral History Society · Oral history and family history (accessed October 2026)
- Emory University · How family stories help children weather hard times (29 April 2020)
- Phys.org · Children benefit if they know about their relatives, study finds (4 March 2010)
- Journal of Family Psychology (PubMed) · A review of 50 years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals (Fiese and others) (2002)
- Apple Support · Create shared albums in Photos on iPhone (accessed October 2026)
- Google One Help · Manage your storage in Drive, Gmail and Photos (accessed October 2026)